Post by johnmwhite on May 20, 2011 16:52:18 GMT -5
--Twas the night after Wrath, and all through the arena, the fans were sitting on their hands and watching the cleaner. REW action was once more late in getting under way, but then... out go the lights, bang goes the drum, and a guitar strums. But this time, the tune is a little less familiar to long-time REW fans.--
--A spotlight of brilliant white streaks onto the stage like a meteor from on high, striking the bald head of the lawyer, former REW commissioner, former REW World Champion, the longest reigning Ring Wars Champion in history, John Michael White! And speaking of white, he makes his way down to the ring, supported by his cane, and wearing a crisp suit of the purest white. As he gets into the ring he removes a sterling silver microphone from his sports coat.--
John Michael White: Now, I know I am possibly the last person you expected to see here, but here I am, and I have some news to share with you all. First of all, the not-so-good news: it turns out that the State Athletic Commission do not look kindly upon women wrestling while eight months pregnant, and so Misses Holiday, also known as Miss Stone, has had her wrestling license suspended pending investigation. And without a wrestling license, she does not have the credentials to book shows as per REW policy, meaning the Powers That Be had to call on...
--The lawyer turns his gloved fingers toward himself.--
John Michael White: Me.
--The crowd make noise. Noise is the best description of it; there is some approval, some excitement, some disgust, some disappointment, and perhaps a lot of irritation at yet another change in the management structure of REW. But hey, at least we're not TNA.--
John Michael White: But the temporal guardians of Real Extreme Wrestling are not the only Powers The Be to have spoken to me recently. No, no. You see, after I was unceremoniously thrown out of office here in REW, I faced something of an existential crisis.
--JMW looks right into the camera for a moment, cold blue eyes sparkling in the spotlight.--
John Michael White: That means I lost confidence in myself, my abilities and my place in the world. But then I learned something... I learned the Good News: a powerful truth, a great secret that can only be said in glorious verse!
--John Michael White clears his throat, and... kneels. Right there, in the middle of the ring, wreathed in light that cracks the darkness of the auditorium, John Michael White gets down on his knees... and sings.--
John Michael White: Well my goodness gracious let me tell you the news
My head's been wet with the midnight dew
I've been down on bended knee talkin' to the man from Galilee
He spoke to me in the voice so sweet
I thought I heard the shuffle of the angel's feet
He called my name and my heart stood still
When he said, "John, go do My will!"
Allyson: What...?
Simon: He's seen the light! Praise the Lord, John Michael White has seen the light.
--John rises again, using his cane, and looks out at the utterly baffled crowd.--
John Michael White: I know what you're thinking. You are thinking this cannot be true. This must be some kind of scam, some plot to gain an advantage, or possibly even just a prank to mess with your heads. Well, it is written that by his fruits shall you know him, so I will bear your scepticism for the time being, confident that in time I can show you, the flock, that I am now an honourable shepherd.
Allyson: This is a trip...
Simon: This is glorious! This shows the power of the Word, if even that slimy greaseball lawyer can be won over by it.
John Michael White: So starting now, as the shepherd of REW, I am faced with the struggle of reassembling my flock and driving them up the difficult hill towards activity and success. But I see a path up that mountain, and steep though it may be, I believe in every one of my sheep. I believe that together, we can make REW into a close-knit flock. But the flock must trust me as I nudge them up that difficult hill through taking difficult decisions. And rather like the Republicans must take the difficult decision of cutting taxes on millionaires rather than let old people afford medical treatment, I have to make decisions regarding the titles and contenders here in REW.
So first of all, Sarah Stone happens to know a very good lawyer, and her suspension is likely to be lifted soon, at least while awaiting an appeal. As our StrongStyle Champion and co-Tag Champion, I expect her to be able to perform again soon, but these titles need strong contenders. That is why, at next week's Justice, the Powers That Be shall be watching closely, and appointing contenders in a just and fair manner based not simply on who wins by turning up, but on who puts in the most effort and strongest performance. No longer will people be able to cake-walk their way to a world title match. Every contendership has to be fought and paid for - fought in the ring, paid in blood.
And speaking of contenders showing a strong performance, a certain someone caught my eye at Wrath this week. To open the show we were to have a battle royal. That did not happen but a certain Tough Nutz did make his way to the ring and showed the testicular fortitude required to make an open challenge to anyone. And he apparently intimidated the lot of you, as no one dared to come out and take him up on his offer. Well, if he wants a challenge, I am going to give him all the challenge he can handle. Tough Nutz is now the number one contender for the World Championship.
Allyson: Wow!
Simon: Well that's a heck of a break for a guy who I don't think has even had a match here in REW.
John Michael White: With all the controversy surrounding the World Championship match series between Aaron Holiday and Trash, a line has to be drawn somewhere. So it is with great reluctance that I have to rule that Aaron Holiday--
Crowd: OOOOOH!
Allyson: That's a controversial decision!
John Michael White: --is indeed the victor of the series, and still the REW World Champion.
Simon: Well what can he do? Trash is laid up, I don't know what these people are complaining about.
John Michael White: I know, I know, I don't like it any more than you do. I wanted to see this series break new ground and make history in REW, but unfortunately certain people thought it would be better to indulge their impulses rather than let the community flourish. Dolla Billa, you know what they say about a rich man getting into heaven. Well fortunately for you it is a lot easier to get to hell, and that is where you might end up during your match at Justice, because I am giving Trash his chance at dishing out some retribution... in a cage!
Crowd: YEAAAAAAH!
John Michael White: I don't think he's 100%, but I can't see that stopping him from taking the opportunity to exact his revenge. And as for the rest of the card, it will be available soon. Thank you for listening, goodnight. God bless REW, and God bless the United States of America.
--John Michael White clambers out of the ring and makes his way to the back, while the crowd chatter excitedly about the seismic shift that has occurred in REW.--
