Post by johnmwhite on Mar 17, 2011 19:59:55 GMT -5
The following is a memo obtained by WeeklyLeaks concerning the current commissioner of Real Extreme Wrestling and his views on certain other people. It was clearly never meant to see the light of day beyond the upper echelons of REW staff, but it now is in the public's hands:
MEMORANDUM FOR:
SCOTTY RAVEN
SETH
SUBJECT: OPPONENTS LIST
Attached is the list of opponents which we have compiled. I thought it would be useful from time to time.
[signed]
John Michael White MA PhD OBE
SUBJECT: OPPONENT PRIORITY ACTIVITY
Having studied the attached material and evaluated the recommendations for the discussed action, I believe you will find my list worthwhile for go status. It is in priority order.
1. HOLIDAY, AARON F.
Highbridge, KY
Drunken, violent slob who continues to collect titles like they are pokemon. Has never, ever, ever defeated JMW, yet he remains a continual thorn in the side and represents all that is wrong with the wrestling art-form, especially since he thinks wrestling is a sport that involves a baseball bat. Also he costs us money - Toys R Us won't sponsor us with him on the program.
2. STONE, SARA I.
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Always yapping at my heels to try to get back into the commissioner's chair. Continually confused but always seems to wriggle out of my plans to humiliate her for no reason other than I can. Also once called me bald.
3. RAC, THE
Location Unknown
Once killed me. I killed him back, but somehow that wasn't enough.
4. POSH
The Bottom of the Barrel
Known for his fear of competition and love of penises, this gentlemen does not pose a significant threat but is still annoying as he refuses to accept responsibility for anything, ever.
5. HUCKABEE, MIKE
Hope (and Change?), AR
Called Natalie Portman a slut. Send in the Clones.
6. DREAMKILLER
The Underworld
Will not stay down! Also refuses to stop trying to murder people, resulting in continual legal headaches for the company and myself in particular.
7. GOD
Holiest of Holies, Jerusalem, Israel
Killed 2,476,633 in the pages of the Bible, promising to kill practically everyone else that ever existed in Revelations. Also flooded the earth, destroyed a city with meteors, banned masturbation, invented malaria and lied to George W. Bush.
MEMORANDUM
THE WHITE CASTLE
DETROIT
EYES ONLY
March 17, 2011
THE WHITE CASTLE
DETROIT
EYES ONLY
March 17, 2011
MEMORANDUM FOR:
SCOTTY RAVEN
SETH
SUBJECT: OPPONENTS LIST
Attached is the list of opponents which we have compiled. I thought it would be useful from time to time.
[signed]
John Michael White MA PhD OBE
SUBJECT: OPPONENT PRIORITY ACTIVITY
Having studied the attached material and evaluated the recommendations for the discussed action, I believe you will find my list worthwhile for go status. It is in priority order.
1. HOLIDAY, AARON F.
Highbridge, KY
Drunken, violent slob who continues to collect titles like they are pokemon. Has never, ever, ever defeated JMW, yet he remains a continual thorn in the side and represents all that is wrong with the wrestling art-form, especially since he thinks wrestling is a sport that involves a baseball bat. Also he costs us money - Toys R Us won't sponsor us with him on the program.
2. STONE, SARA I.
Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Always yapping at my heels to try to get back into the commissioner's chair. Continually confused but always seems to wriggle out of my plans to humiliate her for no reason other than I can. Also once called me bald.
3. RAC, THE
Location Unknown
Once killed me. I killed him back, but somehow that wasn't enough.
4. POSH
The Bottom of the Barrel
Known for his fear of competition and love of penises, this gentlemen does not pose a significant threat but is still annoying as he refuses to accept responsibility for anything, ever.
5. HUCKABEE, MIKE
Hope (and Change?), AR
Called Natalie Portman a slut. Send in the Clones.
6. DREAMKILLER
The Underworld
Will not stay down! Also refuses to stop trying to murder people, resulting in continual legal headaches for the company and myself in particular.
7. GOD
Holiest of Holies, Jerusalem, Israel
Killed 2,476,633 in the pages of the Bible, promising to kill practically everyone else that ever existed in Revelations. Also flooded the earth, destroyed a city with meteors, banned masturbation, invented malaria and lied to George W. Bush.
